Thursday, 17 April 2014

#InformationWars : The Fightback Against Evil Fokkers


"I don't even like ice cream, I just enjoy the sound of a child's screams."

With those words, finally the truth has crossed the threshold into electronic print at the notorious hotbed of communist rat propaganda that is the Guardian. These words, from an unnamed but obviously meticulously reliable source, finally speaks truth to power and challenges the long held falsehoods of apologists against action. Behold!
It is often said that in the event of a nuclear war, the only thing left will be cockroaches. But that’s sadly not true; cockroaches aren’t that much more resistant to radiation than we are. You know what creature is incredibly resistant to radiation, though? A type of wasp! 

Wednesday, 16 April 2014

Asia Swarming With Communist VVasps


Daily Mail readers find this more scary than a Labour government.
In light of the alarming news that broke today of a pending invasion, I release immediately the following report based upon a story from late last year that may have been subject to a D for Denier Notice, but was more likely I couldn't be bothered. It's worse than we thought folks!

------

Baron von Sschting, the great leader of the insect insurgency, has a distant communist cousin [Bob is working furiously to translate his name as I write this]. He hates Britain, or rather she, hates everyone equally...with venom*. Unlike gardeners, children and even pharmaceutical companies who see Bees as welcome prosperous friends, a big Communist Chinese^ VVasp sees lunch Behold:


BEE PREPARED

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Blackhole? Bermuda Triangle? Has Porn Solved the Missing Airline Mystery?

This has come in over the wire
The Twitter account of US Airways crashed into a black hole of unknown origin, possibly due to a lack of a landing strip
Bermuda Triangle?
The full unadulterated image 
cc_rider: Damn... I think they just figured out what happened to that missing 777.
Whatthefark: This raises the question, has Malaysia Airlines checked all vaginas for the missing plane? If they have, what were the results? If they haven't, then why not. Cover up? Was it found in the vagina of Malaysia Airlines owner's wife? Were multiple pieces found in multiple vaginas? Farking source
This is an interesting proposition and not without merit, however to accommodate a fully grown aeroplane we need a bigger pussy. 

Sunday, 13 April 2014

#Intermission Rebirth

These are dark.* 
We must question the very assumptions upon which our fragile world is based upon on the day the scales fall from our eyes and we see the illusions for what they are we shall know DOOM is impending. It was always thus.

GingerZilla has spent these past months in deep contemplation and has been issuing forth his draft missives. Unfortunately due to being inside a beer can for six months much is blurry and must be 'adjusted' for human consumption. During this time the Sun[god] briefly awoke and then went 'Meh'. All the GingerZilla can say is 'it's worse than we thought' but difficult times bring opportunity, as the Marabou Storks know well.

Now listen to the music whilst he gets his shit together. A bloody moon double monday approaches and he grows weary (or he may just faint in a passion).



* I cannot oppose such viewing crimes as how else am I going to make one direction a crime punishable by chopping off the hands responsible and flushing them away to feed the fishies

Tuesday, 11 February 2014

Monitoring the Minataurs

Victorian era porn.
There are those who aspire to live amongst the gods in the clouds. There are those whose aspirations are more grounded. Then there are those who dig a great big hole so we can join them.=
The third ring--inside the first two--is a barren plain of sand ignited by flakes of fire that torment three separate groups of violent offenders against God: those who offend God directly (blasphemers: Inferno 14); those who violate nature, God's offspring (sodomites: Inferno 15-16); and those who harm industry and the economy, offspring of nature and therefore grandchild of God (usurers: Inferno 17).

Usury was similarly condemned, particularly after it was equated with heresy (and therefore punishable by the Inquisition) at the Council of Vienne in 1311. Based on biblical passages--fallen man must live "by the sweat of his brow" (Genesis 3:19), Jesus' appeal to his followers to "lend, expecting nothing in return" (Luke 6:35)--medieval theologians considered the lending of money at interest to be sinful. Thomas Aquinas, based on Aristotle, considered usury--like sodomy--to be contrary to nature because "it is in accordance with nature that money should increase from natural goods and not from money itself." Forese Donati, a Florentine friend of Dante who appears in Purgatory 23-4, insinuated--in an exchange of insulting sonnets with the poet--that Dante's father was himself a usurer or moneychanger.

The Seventh circle of Hell, Dante's Inferno
Image Wiklicommons user: Fae

Friday, 6 December 2013

#SPACEPORN EXCLUSIVE: Lovejoy's Back - Wanted for Questioning by Operation YouTree* ...and Scotland

Villagers preparing to defend themselves.
Cinderella is once fabled to have said "the more things change the more they stay the same". I have often said myself same shit, different day although it is quite possible if I had the winter vomiting bug, known as the Bloody Nora Virus, I may have said different shit, same day

Old Age Terrorists #95 African Bloke Dies

Sending AIDS to Africa is working. 
In death we are supposed to celebrate life, honouring a loved one. This is not the case with the elderly who, as avid readers should know, are being culled by the winter, in hospital wings and in modern abattoirs, also know as the care system. Their deaths are not mourned but celebrated in the corridors of power as they relinquish their burden to the state. This is because old people are sponging terrorists and it just so happens some are more notorious that others, when clearly there is a pattern here.

Wednesday, 9 October 2013

British Badgers in Dodgy Charity Scandal

It may seem like a government conspiracy, truth revealed by a careless slip of the tongue. But if we take a moment to consider this, moving goalposts is what opponents of truth consider an artform. In times of sockpuppetry watch for the hidden hand about to slap you in the face. The government are not telling us the real story here. This goes much deeper. Behold
if ClarkSun respects the Honey Badger, so must we respect all badgers, for they have Black and White holes. There will be no Badger cull.[*] I am not negotiating on this one. Even a squadron of B52s cannot take them down.
It is quite possible that our beloved Badgers have been receiving overseas funding from obscure Honey Badger charities funnelling funds out of Bongo Bongo land


[**] it is perfectly acceptable to kill drunken maraudingvvasps especially on cool mornings when they may be nursing hangovers.


Tuesday, 3 September 2013

Old Age Terrorists #80 The High Cost of Living

Clearly this elderly citizen has too much time on his hands.
Clearly the NHS have a lot to answer for.
It is often said that with age comes a more conservative tinted lens to view the world around you, which explains the cantankerous nature of old age gits dedicated to the maxim 'your pain brings me happiness'. Clearly this can only be an urban myth as government policy, whilst leaning towards making old age a crime with an accompanying sentence of death by fuel poverty, has not been truly bold in their thinking. Occasionally however, thoughts break through the ether so that we can move forward. This is the kind of thinking we need in these fictitious times. Behold;

Monday, 2 September 2013

EXCLUSIVE #NaturePorn Bongo Bongo Native with no Bikini

Our exclusive* video shows sex crazy incapacity benefit claiming asylum seekers from Bongo Bongo Land engaging in arduous^ physical activity AT YOUR EXPENSE!